Can you please point me to the exit?
Um, there isn’t one, and that’s good news…
Where is that ‘state’ that is the end all be all in terms of dealing with the struggle of human life? The exit.
In money, and love, and sex, and certainly in spirituality there is one right? An exit. Have we even bothered to question this presumption? I’d argue this presumption drives many of our actions. So let’s explore this…
We need our teachers, our models, the guides that point us to a better way. We don’t exist well in isolation, and learning is relational. There’s of course the big teachers that spawned religions Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad - but also countless others offering tangible wisdom from their realizations and successes, respective spiritual traditions, other esoteric and non-esoteric circles.
Even now, it’s been my experience that every so often I’ll meet someone who has an incredible ease of being, some powerful sense of aliveness and alignment, consistent benevolence in their behavior and speech. I want to be around these people, they are intriguing, inspiring, a joy.
However there is a big fallacy I’d like to name. Not with condescension and charge, more like a shadow aspect I feel is important to talk about. The big “IT”.
I’ve spent time with some incredible people. Deepak Chopra, Thich Nhat Hahn, Jack Kornfield, Echkart Tolle, Ken Wilber, A. H. Almaas, Father Thomas Keating, Byron Katie, Reggie Ray, Ram Dass, many many other spiritual leaders.
A few of my friends are millionaires, I’ve met sexual masters, physical yoga and nutrition masters, teachers who were masters of their psychology, teachers who were masters of their heart, people who had mastery in their body.
People who have built great businesses, people with amazing long term relationships or marriages. Many many incredible people.
One thing has remained constant. None of them are infallible.
None of them are perfect. None of them, despite having sometimes flawless public personas, are always happy. And none of these people can absolutely demonstrate that they have found an exit. An end all be all state of consciousness where they can park for the rest of their life and live in bliss.
And there’s the fallacy, why do we humans put all our hopes in to finding such an exit? As if that’s what we’ll need to finally relax.
Whether it’s money, or spirit, or sex or love, 99.99% of us believe there is some ending we can reach where, for the love of Christ, we won’t be bothered with the burden of living a human life anymore.
Oops. We’ve been duped again.
I think as human beings we strategize much if not the whole of our existence around that basic aim. Under the assumption that a permanent exit from our struggle exists. Have we questioned this? Or are we unconsciously organized behind this presumption?
There are moments of peace and fulfillment to be sure, and of course the practice of presence, which is an ongoing thing, not an end state, but none of that releases us forever and ever...
So therein lies what’s cool. Consider what I’m saying, do I have a point? If yes, can you accept more of your your struggle? Can you catch when you believe you are on your way to an exit? Can you catch when you want an exit? I’d invite you to feel what happens when you let this go. Sense your body. Dissolve some of your ideals. Is there more freedom without this presumption?
Ideals fuck us up. And this is definitely one of the bigger ones. What if we replace this ideal with something simpler, what about learning to be more human? Learning to be more objective and accepting of what we really are, flaws and all.
I’m pretty sure that’s actually the ultimate art, learning how to be more vulnerable, more accepting of our imperfections, finding an easier way of being via accepting our human species.
There is no end state that you, or I, or anyone we know is going to be able to realize which is going to permanently free us from our struggle.
And if the day comes where that person truly comes, I am sure the whole world will hear about them. So no need to keep looking.
The most helpful people I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending time with have always discussed how to make life more graceful, simple, and inclusive of what’s true. How to meet our humanness with more wisdom.
I say all this with the intention of doing one thing. To poke with a needle this swelling mass of pressure we place on ourselves while existing, and certainly while in the public eye to be perfect. Cut it out, be you, and defend it.
I certainly haven’t mastered what we’re talking about, but aspire to this vision. For me, life’s about that.
Once we learn to stop being in competition with each other, and instead focus internally to master ourselves, we’ll find a whole new world of resources. No drinking of cool-aide required, just you.
Teachers, models, guides are great, and I very much think they still have a role. However our superiority/inferiority relationship to them also has to go.
Guides can transmit a kind of clarity and alignment which acts as a compass towards our values. Getting caught in the trap that our guides somehow have something we don’t, is what Robert Bly refers to as “giving away our golden shadow “. It’s going to keep you in the apprentice mindset, away from your power and true confidence. What you admire in the teacher, you already have in yourself. And guess what, all your guides have struggles you can barely imagine, trust me they do.
Let’s stop getting caught in this trap. It’s really great news to see that there is no exit. Because if there’s no way out, that forces us to come to terms with being here. Dealing with ourselves and each other as we are. And in that I believe it’s possible to regularly find relief, and occasionally moments of deep fulfillment.
K, I said it, take care.
